Snow Day Fun!

Yep thats right, even grown-ups get snow days in the mountains. At least you do when they close the roads so you can't actually drive in to work. I have to say that is one of the incredibly nice things about working for an IT department. We have the ability to work from any computer, so instead of dealing with the white out conditions, I could monitor my e-mail from my phone and spend most of the day having fun. And oh what fun we had.

Early this morning Jay and I took Jaxson and Atlas out to the park across the street so that they could play in the snow. Its so funny how much our dogs love to run around in the stuff. Here are some pictures from our fun at the park 

Jay thought standing under the tree
would protect him from the snow....

...but it didn't protect him from this
snowball I hit him with...
it stuck to his back :)

  

Isn't the park all covered in snow pretty!



Jaxson and Atlas ruined the pristine
snow look pretty quickly.

Atlas' first snow day ever!



My sad little snowman...I know its hard to see but he is there!

 

After fun time at the park, the puppies and I group cuddled and relaxed with some Madagascar. We definitely looked like a little pack laying all together on my bed. Though that may not be a good thing when Jay and I actually decide to spring for a bed that is more than a futon mattress on the floor.



Jay and I also finished our Thanksgiving day preperations today with some shopping for the last few ingrediants on our list, and then a trip to Scheels to pick up my race day packet for the 10K Turkey Trot I'm running Thanksgiving morning. Neither of us had ever been to Scheels and the only thing I knew about it was it was a giant sporting goods store. Well guess what...it is a sporting good store that sells some kickin' homemade fudge. How awesome is that?! It also has cool displays of outdoorsy stuff all over the place. Here are some pictures Jay and I thought were cool:








Of course the day had some hiccups. We got home from the store and realized that a pipe under our sink was leaking grossness all over the place. But luckily I have an awesome boyfriend who cleaned everything up for me. All I had to do was rinse out rags in the bathtub and start the wash when it was all over. Who can complain about that?

All in all it was an awesome day. And now I am going to go curl up with a good book and my boys on the couch! Happy snow day all!! 

Joining the Unperfects

My friend Sarah, recently posted about celebrating the unperfectness of our lives, and I thought it was a great idea. I know my posts have been negative recently and this one doesn't seem like it would be adding any happiness, but actually I think the unperfect parts of life are the most interesting and fun. And though they provide stress, I am happy that my life isn't just a fairytale ending. I like the blood sweat and tears that make up my life.

So here it goes 10 things that make me so far from perfect:

1) I hate taking my dog on walks. I know that sounds terrible, but its true. He doesn't walk easily, and its so boring to just walk around the neighborhood. Of course if I had trained him better when he was a puppy I'm sure he would walk like a pro, but I didn't. And so instead he is constantly pulling, rips my arm out of my socket if he sees another dog before I have a chance to brace myself, and sometimes thinks its a great idea to try and take the leash away from me.

2) I have only run 7 times since I finished my marathon in July. Thats right, I trained for 6 months, and now have lost a huge amount of the gains I made because I've had no drive to run. When people at work ask me, I try and make it sound like I've been keeping up the running, but I haven't. Just last Sunday was my first run since the marathon that was longer than 3 miles.

3) I am way in debt. Be it student loans, loans from my parents, a car loan, or credit card, its going to take me 2 years of severe austerity just to get myself down to only having my student loans. And thats only if I am super good about sticking to my budget. Which means no fun trips, no skiing, no nothing. I don't know if I am going to be able to do it, but I really want to.

4) I'm jealous of married couples. I know I say I don't care and don't want to rush into marriage. But sometimes thats complete bull.

5) I burn food more often than I don't.

6) I spend most weekends in my pjs. Sometimes I get the energy up to actually make myself presentable, but it just seems like such a waste of time. I never go anywhere besides the store it seems and who cares if I am in sweats at the store?

7) I've wanted to write a book since 7th grade, and so far have only made it through the first page of about 3 different attempts. I just have no imagination it would appear.

8) I don't care about watching basketball. Sure I talk a big game about how basketball is the best sport in the world, but I honestly don't really watch until March Madness usually. Jay who thinks basketball is one of the worst sports watches more of it than I do.

9) Since I was 6 weeks old, I've never been outside of the United States. I've always wanted to travel to Europe, Asia, really everywhere but I never follow through on my dreams. I don't have the willpower to actually commit and save for anything.

10) Even though I know how to eat healthy, given the choice of a cheeseburger or a salad, I'd probably pick the cheeseburger 95% of the time. And of course the next day I feel fat and gross, but it doesn't matter the next time I'm given the choice I would still pick the cheeseburger.

There you go. I am sooo far from perfect. But the funny thing is, I actually had to think hard to come up with 10 things that aren't perfect in my life. Despite all of these things, I have a really great life. And it feels good to look my baggage in the face and say, you will not drag me down. Despite you I am happy!

The Never-Ending Battle

Recently I have been feeling really unhappy with my body image. Every time I look in the mirror, I swear I'm noticeably fatter. I'm petrified of the scale, and when I finally get the courage up to weigh myself I am only let down more by either a lack of movement or a small gain. I feel like I'm in a losing battle and there is nothing I can do about it.

Did I always used to feel this way? I try and think back to a time when I was happy with my body and I honestly can't remember that time ever existing. I can remember not caring. But thats not the same as being happy. I do remember the moment that I started to care though. It was fourth grade. We got weighed by the school nurse. I weighed 99 lbs. Now I definitely wasn't fat, I was also 4ft 11in at the time and so that gave me a BMI of right around 20. I'd kill to have a BMI of 20 right now. But as a 10 year old its hard to be rational all the time, and when all your friends weigh around 75 lbs and you weigh basically 25 lbs more than them it doesn't matter that you're a perfectly healthy weight for your size, all that matters is you weigh SO much more than everyone else.

Since then, I have never been happy or comfortable with my weight or body. All through middle school and high school I was terrified of ever being asked my weight. While my skinny beautiful friends would talk about their 26 inch waists I would hope that they didn't want to know my waist size (it was only 28 inches, but in comparison that seems like a lot). While my friends tried on their size 4 jeans I would grab my size 8s as fast as possible and immediately try and hide the label so no one would know how much bigger I was.

Why have I contined to terrorized myself for the last 14 years of my life? Why can't I just be happy that I am safely in the healthy range for weight and body fat composition? Honestly, I have no idea. I wish I did. I'm completely at a loss. I keep telling myself maybe if I get down to my dream weight of 140 lbs I'll be happy. But I remember being 138 lbs my freshman year of college (a feat that was only accomplished through exercise and severe and constant nausea due to stress), I was no happier. In fact I didn't really notice much difference at the time. Maybe someday I'll discover the answer. Until then I guess its back to the daily battle with body image. Let me know if you have Excalibur hidden somewhere, I'd be happy for the help.

Outside Looking In

Its a strange feeling, realizing that your more of an outsider than an insider in your own group of family and friends. Now when I peruse Facebook I see inside jokes between siblings, high-school friends hanging out together, and great friends moving on in life far far away from my own.

I know it is my own fault. I chose to go to a school across the country from my friends and family.And of course when we all graduated from college we went our separate ways, me especially far away to Reno. But it doesn't seem fair. On TV you always see the friends who move in together after college, and are like a surrogate family to each other. That sounds so nice.Why can't I at least have that? Instead I live in a state where I know pretty much no one. And even the people I know I wouldn't feel comfortable calling up and seeing if they want to hang out.

Now  don't get me wrong. I love living with Jay and my two puppies. I mean look how cute they are together:

But I do miss having friends to hang out with and talk to on a regular basis. While Facebook has made it easier to keep in touch with people it has also made it easier to see how all those people you wouldn't have kept in touch with are doing. Life seems like it has suddenly become a race, and I am falling far behind the pack.

Happiness is....

...a clean house!

Okay, I know that seems weird, but honestly it is amazing the difference in my happiness levels when my apartment is clean. I don't know why I ever let it get dirty! (Well yes I do, I get lazy, but you know what I mean.) Luckily Jay also really likes things clean, so we never get truly out of hand, but even the small difference having a clean, picked up floor makes is noticeable.  Which is probably why my wonderful boyfriend knew the best birthday present he could have gotten me was a new vacuum.

Yes it sounds lame I know. Turning 24 years old and her biggest wish is for a vacuum. I don't care though. When you have 2 dogs who track in the outdoors every time they have to pee, going a month with a broken vacuum is WAY too long. Just looking at the clean floor now makes me smile.

Here are a few other things that make me happy:

That tired feeling after a really good workout.

Seeing my adorable dogs having the time of their lives at the dog park.

Tasting a delicious creation I've made after spending WAY too long in the kitchen.

Laying on the couch with Jay.

Knowing that I have an awesome family who will always be there for me.

Drinking hot cocoa and enjoying the cool fall weather (from the safety of my couch)

Napping

How Important Is It?

Yesterday while I was at the gym I happened to overhear a personal trainer talking to one of her clients. The personal trainer was asking her client what she had done in the last couple of weeks. Was she exercising and following the plan? Why wasn’t she pushing herself? Was her family being supportive and helping make sure she had some time to dedicate to herself? And then she asked a profound question, “How important is this to you?”. The client quickly said it was important, but immediately started listing off excuses as to why she wasn’t dedicating herself. The personal trainer stopped her and asked again “How important is this to you?”.


Maybe to you this doesn’t seem like that profound of a question, but to me in that moment it was a revelation. So often through my life I have struggled to stay motivated and meet the challenges and goals I make for myself. But how important were those goals to me really? If the goal of not eating junk food for a month was so important then why when I had my first craving did I give in? Is my goal less important to me than being able to eat whatever I want whenever I want? Is having that shiny new electronic or new shirt more important than my goal of sticking to my budget and saving for the eminent rainy day?

When I ask myself this, the obvious answer is “No”. Of course saving money or eating healthier is more important. But my actions show my real answer. Yes that junk food, at that moment, was more important to me that feeling good about myself and eating healthy. Yes that new shirt was more important than having another $30 saved for when I really need it to buy food or pay the bills. Actions in this case not only speak louder than words, they drown the words out completely. So how do I change so that my stated priorities are my real priorities? Honestly I don’t know. For now though I will just try and ask myself when I am torn between doing the thing I know I should do and the thing I want to do. “How important is it?” Maybe forcing myself to acknowledge my priorities or change them will put me on the right path. I’ll never know until I try.

Da Bears!

Time Flies

Its been a little more than a month since the last time I posted, but it seems like it should have been years considering how drastically my life has changed since then. Here are a few highlights of the past month:

I flew to Pittsburgh to help Jay pack up and move out to Reno

We drove 3 days across country, stopping in Utah to have a reunion with my family and some awesome extended family I haven't seen in years.

The never ending road....

We added a second puppy to our family. (Who went through probably 10 names before we landed on Atlas/Monkey. Though I still just call him Monster or Little Man, he may have an identity crisis in the near future thanks to our indecisiveness.)

Little Atlas

Jay moved in with me. (Yes that means I am now drastically out numbered with 3 boys in the house.)

And finally....I became an Aunt! My nephew Aireus Kane McCann was born at 10 pm on Thursday, making me a proud aunt of an adorably huge baby. He weighs in at 8lbs 11 oz and 21.5 inches even coming a week early. We are so thankful that it was an easy delivery and that he is healthy.

So as you can see life is good. I love having my boys around, though it is killing my food budget. We may have to work on adjusting that. But otherwise I have nothing to complain about. I am happy and so blessed.

Here are some views from one of our many adventures:

Jay and my mountain climbing dog (he thinks hes a goat).

A cool forest we came across.

Views from our hike.

Life Lessons Learned in Traffic

Over the last few weeks I have spent many many hours sitting in construction related traffic trying to get home from work.And at the time it seemed like an unbearable ordeal. But looking back at it in light of the events that occurred this past week (my car getting hit in the parking lot of the gym, among other things) I've come to realize there are much worse things in life than even a lot of traffic. Here are some other lessons I've learned:

1. Construction signs lie approximately 50% of the time.
2. Going over 10 miles per hour for longer than 30 seconds is exciting.
3. The Black Eyed Peas get annoying really really fast.
4. If you see a car with a lot of shiny chrome detailing or a giant spoiler that obviously doesn't match the car douchbaggery is probably afoot.
5. No matter how annoying it is to see motorcycles driving in between the two lanes of traffic you should not open your door really fast in hopes they collide with it. They actually are legally allowed to do that when traffic is at a stand still.
6. Being self-righteous doesn't get you anywhere in life but stuck in the slow lane.
7. It is fun to drive down the center of the road to prevent jerks in the back from cutting in the merge line.(And apparently very common out here, I've never seen people do that before.)
8. If I am ever cornered by a angry herd of cattle my dog will defend me.
9. Being stuck next to 3 cattle trucks for 2 hours is not fun for your nose.
10. Go to the bathroom before you get in your car. 2 hours is a long time to hold it. (Though it does make that next trip to the bathroom one of the best experiences ever.)
11.Learn from past mistakes. While holding it for an hour isn't as bad as two it still sucks to need to pee while stuck in traffic.
12. And finally attitude is everything. If you stop thinking about how much it sucks to be stuck in traffic, you will not be nearly as upset about the whole experience.

Along with these lovely realizations I have had some other exciting things happen this week. I found out that while I don't have cancer, I did have a Spindle Cell Nevus that needed to be removed, and now have 3 lovely blue stitches in its place. I also found an awesome website Mint.com that allows you to create budgets and track your spending, savings, debts etc and make financial goals along with plans on how to meet those goals. It is pretty much the sweetest thing ever. It is a partner of Quicken which I've tried to use many times but could just never get into the habit of, but I think this site will be different. Already I've made a budget and if I stick to it I can be completely debt free (minus my student loans) with a good rainy day fund in savings in just 2 years time. Its going to take some discipline but I can do it! I'm so excited. Admittedly 2 years is a long ways away but really in the span of my life its not that far away and if I can get my financial life straightened out by the time I'm 25 I'll count that as an amazing success.

As for my other goals. I failed at all of them this week. I went to the gym only once (which is where my car got hit in the parking lot). I did not do a good job of drinking enough water. Though I did put in more effort than usual. And I definitely wasted money on candy, but that should be changing as I start to stick to my new budget (which does not have candy anywhere in it).But even though I failed at all of my goals I actually am feeling really good about myself. Its been a rough week but a good one and I am on my way to even bigger an better things!

Falling down to Earth

I always thought that when I managed to accomplish something monumental it would be life changing. Like somehow I would suddenly be able to do anything. Now two weeks after running and finishing my first marathon I know how wrong I was. Instead of feeling powerful and in control I feel like I am spiraling back down to earth where reality has once again beaten me into submission. I am not any more able to stick to my goals now than I was 3 weeks ago. In fact I feel less motivated. I'm struggling to even think of goals that are worth accomplishing.

Of course there are always the stock goals to fall back on like "I want to workout consistently", or "I want to kick the candy habit", even the "I want to not hate myself when I look in the mirror" one has been floating around. The problem is I've never been motivated enough to tackle those goals before and today is no different. Instead of feeling like I can do whatever I set my mind to when I think about those goals I feel like I am doomed to failure. Two weeks after accomplishing the hardest thing I've ever set out to do I am already falling back into the perpetual guilt cycle.

Can I break the cycle? I have no idea. But I am going to try. This is my new goal: embrace and accept my ADD. I am never going to be one of those people who can stick to every plan they make but I can be someone who doesn't hate myself when get distracted by a pretty flower, a new book, or just the siren song of a few more minutes of sleep. Of course this goal is hard to track the progress of so I have a few other goals I plan on working on too. For this week: drink 72 oz  of water each day, whenever I feel like complaining about something add "but it doesn't matter" to the end of the complaint, exercise 3 days this week, and don't spend money on candy. Seems reasonable right?