I always thought that when I managed to accomplish something monumental it would be life changing. Like somehow I would suddenly be able to do anything. Now two weeks after running and finishing my first marathon I know how wrong I was. Instead of feeling powerful and in control I feel like I am spiraling back down to earth where reality has once again beaten me into submission. I am not any more able to stick to my goals now than I was 3 weeks ago. In fact I feel less motivated. I'm struggling to even think of goals that are worth accomplishing.
Of course there are always the stock goals to fall back on like "I want to workout consistently", or "I want to kick the candy habit", even the "I want to not hate myself when I look in the mirror" one has been floating around. The problem is I've never been motivated enough to tackle those goals before and today is no different. Instead of feeling like I can do whatever I set my mind to when I think about those goals I feel like I am doomed to failure. Two weeks after accomplishing the hardest thing I've ever set out to do I am already falling back into the perpetual guilt cycle.
Can I break the cycle? I have no idea. But I am going to try. This is my new goal: embrace and accept my ADD. I am never going to be one of those people who can stick to every plan they make but I can be someone who doesn't hate myself when get distracted by a pretty flower, a new book, or just the siren song of a few more minutes of sleep. Of course this goal is hard to track the progress of so I have a few other goals I plan on working on too. For this week: drink 72 oz of water each day, whenever I feel like complaining about something add "but it doesn't matter" to the end of the complaint, exercise 3 days this week, and don't spend money on candy. Seems reasonable right?
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