What I do alone in my hotel room

One of the many perks to my oh so glamorous job is that I spend way more time alone in a hotel room that any sane person can really take. In order to keep my insanity levels at bay I explore the internet. Some nights I find hilarious blogs, or great informational news articles.

Tonight was not one of those nights.

Here are a few of my many exciting, creative accomplishments of the night:

Its a BOY!

Thats right I took an online pregnancy test and guess what they told me:

Pregnancy detected!



Baby McCann's first public appearance!

Congratulations, Delina! You're "with child". Our remote testing system has detected that you're pregnant. The Miracle Of Life has begun!

Thats right people, here is when you really start doubting you can trust everything you find on the internet...Hmm, I wonder if I am far enough along to determine the baby's sex?

It's a Boy!



Baby Boy McCann

Delina, you're going to be the proud parent of a baby boy, and just look- isn't he just so damn cute! Based on our remote test results, your beautiful baby boy will weigh about 14 lbs, 13 oz and have brown hair and hazel eyes. Truly a Wonder To Behold!

Would you like to know who the lucky father is? Our Genetic Validator module has processed that data and determined who the father must be...

Oh My God! I am so on the edge of my seat (well bed actually), who got me knocked up?! I need to find him and punch him in the face for making me give birth to a turkey sized baby. It can't be my boyfriend we both have blue eyes... 

Bill Clinton

My baby daddy

Like thousands of other women of breeding age, you did the Horizontal Bop with Bill. Looks like he really 'felt your pain', along with a few other things.

Hmm...I guess it could be worse, he can at least afford to pay for the reconstructive surgery I'm going to be needing down south from pushing out his bowling ball of a son.

I know after the excitement of my pregnancy, labor, and the shocking Maury like paternity revelation nothing else seems quite as great, but that only took about 2 minutes of my night, so.....

Here are some of my recent works of art:



Work of Art 1



Work of Art 2

As you can probably tell I am really committed to creating a successful wall paper design business. Don't tell me you don't want these on your bathroom walls. And I am totally willing to let you submit designs you've created here to my business where I will then take credit for them and rake in the money.

I also drew this pig.


That weird squiggle behind the pig is supposed to be a trough. In case you didn't get that.

Supposedly my artistic ability with a laptop mouse pad says a lot about my personality. According to the expert opinion of the people at http://drawapig.desktopcreatures.com/ I am positive and optimistic, direct, enjoy playing devil's advocate and neither fear nor avoid discussions, emotional and naive, care little for details and am a risk-taker. I am also secure, stubborn, and stick to my ideals, am an okay listener, and have a not so good sex life (apparently if I had a good sex life I would have drawn a much bigger tail).
 And last but not least I wrote an awesome letter to you my dear reader. And trust me it is amazing! I mean I wrote it in back hair. But since it is flash and I'm not all that smart at adding things beyond links and pictures to this blog you must click HERE.

Yeah that's right I wrote "I'm I pirate bitches" in pirate speak on a hairy mans back. Write me a note back if you dare! But remember, I'm a pirate bitches!!!